Jokes at Nerida
Welcome!
- A woman goes into the local newspaper
office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is
published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the
obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well,
then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the
woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for
all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and
replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for
sale'."
- This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it
important to own an
equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they
went shopping. At a
kennel specializing in this particular breed,
they found a dog they liked
quite a lot. When they asked the dog to
fetch the Bible, he did it in a
flash. When they instructed him to
look up Psalm 23, he complied equally
fast, using his paws with
dexterity.
They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home
(piously, of
course). That night they had friends over. They were
so proud of their
new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they
called the dog and
showed off a little. The friends were impressed,
and asked whether the dog
was able to do any of the usual dog
tricks, as well. This stopped the
couple cold, as they hadn't thought
about 'normal' tricks.
"Well," they said, "let's try this
out."
Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearl
y pronounced the
command, "Heel!"
Quick as a wink, the dog
jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead,
closed his eyes in
concentration, and bowed his head.
- A guy named Joe finds
himself in dire
trouble. His business
started going bust and he found himself in serious
financial
trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray
for
help.
"Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if
I
don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well,
please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night arrived and somebody else
won the prize.
Joe again looked up and prayed...
"Oh Lord,
please let me win the lotto! I've lost my
business, my house and
I'm going to lose my car as well".
Again, Lotto night came and
went and Joe still had no luck.
Once again, he prayed...
"Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business,
my house
and my car. My wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask
you for help and I have always been a good
servant to you. Please just
let me win the lotto this one
time so I can get my life back
in order ... "
Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as
the heavens
opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the
Lord
himself:
"Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A
Ticket!"
- Why did the bald man paint rabbits on
his
head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares!
- where does saddam hussein keep his c.d
collection?
In Iraq (a rack)