Baby jokes

When a baby is learning to eat, shouldn't he have an L-plate?

Another jokes:

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.'' The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.'' The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''
A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Did you hear about the stupid photographer? He saved burned out lightbulbs for use in his darkroom.
What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

Categories :