Heaven and hell jokes

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.' 'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered. 'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

Another jokes:

• What do you call someone who dances on cars ? A morris dancer !
• Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ? Because she'd never be able to learn the language
• "How come you're only watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident. "I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."
• What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.
• Why did the nutty kid throw a glass of water out of the window? He wanted to see a waterfall.