Travel and tourist jokes

A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. He was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front of him. Barely conscious, he reached the tent and called out, "Water...". A bedouin appeared in the tent door and replied sympathetically, "I am sorry, sir, but I have no water. However, would you like to buy a tie?" With this, he brandished a collection of exquisite silken neckwear. "You fool," gasped the man. "I'm dying! I need water!" "Well, sir," replied the bedouin, "If you really need water, there is a tent about two kilometers south of here where you can get some." Without knowing how, the man summoned sufficient strength to drag his parched body the distance to the second tent. With his last ounce of strength he tugged at the door of the tent and collapsed. Another bedouin, dressed in a costly tuxedo, appeared at the door and enquired, "May I help you sir?" "Water..." was the feeble reply. "Oh, sir," replied the bedouin, "I'm sorry, but you can't come in here without a tie!"

Another jokes:

• Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder! I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !
• Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too." Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
• Knock Knock Who's there ! Ben ! Ben who ? Ben knocking on this door all morning !
• I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.
• What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hook, the other hates his book.