apple jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: apple jokes
- A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through
northern California's apple country.
He stopped at an orchard
and asked the owner, "How much are yer
apples?"
"All you
can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.
"Okay," said the
Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars'
worth."
- After a minor mathematical error on a routine
report, a worker's boss
tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If
you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how
many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who
asked, I'd still have 4
apples."
- Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why?
The orchard's on fire.
- First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's
eating
you?
Second apple: Worms, I think.
- Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he
puffed,
"is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"
"That's what they say," said his Dad.
"Well, give me an apple quick ?
I've just broken the doctor's
window!"
- How do you
make an apple puff?
Chase it
round the garden
- How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
Take a snorkel.
- How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it
down hill.
- How does an apple a day keep the doctor
away?
When you take careful aim.
- If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what
does
an onion do?
Keeps everyone away.
- If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples
in the
orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs?
None,
because the six pigs have already eaten them all.
- Once upon a time there were five apples
Which
was the cowboy?
None - because they were all redskins.
- School lunches are not generally popular with
those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What
kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy
indignantly.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Glue!"
"Then it's
apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."
- The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant
gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with
its
tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked.
"If I
told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!"
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat
the apple.
- Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school
yard. One
had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms
won't you!" The
first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out
for
themselves."
- Two girls were having their packed lunch in
the school yard. One had an apple and the other said,
'Watch out for
worms won't you !'
The first one replied, 'why should I ? They
can watch out for
themselves.
- What can a whole apple do that half an apple
can't do?
It can look round.
- What did one
maggot say to the other who was
stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!
- What did the apple say to the apple
pie?
"You've got some crust."
- What did the Gorilla do with the apple
he was
holding in his hands?
He brought it to school and said, 'An Ape-lle
for the
teacher!'
- What did the worm want to do when he grew
up?
He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
- What do you get if you cross a jogger
with an
apple pie ?
Puff pastry !
- What do you get if you cross an apple with a
shellfish?
A crab apple !
- What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
An
outboard apple.
- What is the left side of an apple?
The part
that you don't eat.
- What kind of apple has a
short temper?
A
crab apple.
- What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A
pineapple.
- What lives in apples and is an
avid reader?
A bookworm !
- What reads and lives in an apple ?
A bookworm
!
- What's the difference between a worm and an
apple ?
Have you ever tried worm pie ?!
- Why did Eve want to move to New York ?
She
fell for the Big Apple !
- Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his
orchard?
Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
- Why didn't the two worms go
into Noah's ark
in an apple?
Because everyone had to go in pairs !
- Why don't apples smile
when you go bobbing
?
Because they're crab apples !
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