blonde jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: blonde jokes
- ''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?''
asked the blonde.
''No,'' said the brunette.
''Okay,'' said the blonde, ''you start.''
- ... Q.) Why
would a blonde wear green
lipstick?
A.) Because red means Stop.
- A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac
arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes
of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced
dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year
old
daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one
time)
that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could
they be? She left in the ambulance
forty-five minutes ago!" the
former blonde asked.
- A blond guy
and a brunette girl were
happily married and about to have a baby. One
day, the wife started
having contractions, so the husband rushed her to
the hospital. He held
her hand as she went through a trying birth. In
the end, there were
two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and
angrily said, "All right, who's
the other father!?!"
- A blonde
is walking down the street with
her blouse open, exposing one of her
breasts.
A nearby
policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware
that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the
blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is
exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the
bus!"
- A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The
brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing
happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde jumps out
of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race,
huh?"
- A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after
work
for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was
shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the
blonde bet
the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure
enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead
said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde
insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock
news, so
I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"
- A blonde and her husband were driving home,
when
they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and
stood
over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just
stood
their, when she said "Oh i know."
So she when in the car and rumaged
through
her purse and came out with what looked
a bottle. She
poured it on the rabit and they both
got in the car. Suddenly the rabit
got up hopped a
little bit and waved, hopped a little and
waved,
hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over
it.
The husband just stared at his wife
and said "Honey, what did you
pour on
that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer
with a
permanent wave."
- A blonde bought a brand new car and decided
to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She
reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she
decided to
return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening.
But she
didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day
either. When she
finally reached home on the third day, her distraught
mother ran and
asked her what happened?
She got out,
obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"These car designers
are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but
only one for
going back!"
- A blonde calls
her husband at work one day
and asks him, "Can you help me when you
get home?"
"Sure,"
he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard
puzzle and I can't even find the edge
pieces."
"Look on
the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the
puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives
home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the
corn flakes back in
the box."
- A blonde came home from school one day and said
to her mom,
''I can count higher then all the kids in my second
grade class, do
you think it is because I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''Of couse it is, dear.''
The next day,
the blonde said, ''I can say the alphabet higher then
anyone in
my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?''
Her
mother replied, ''Of course it is dear!''
The next day the blonde
came home from her gymnastics and asked her
mother, ''I have a
larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you
think its because
I am a blonde?''
Her mother replied, ''No dear, I think it
is because you are eighteen
years old."
- A blonde comes home from a
day of shopping
and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls
the fire
department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your
emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde
replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the
blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks
fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
- A blonde decides to learn and try horse back
riding
unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the
horse
with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into
motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the
blonde begins
to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs
for the horse's
mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries
to throw her arms
around the horse's neck, but she slides down the
side of the horse
anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip,
she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to
safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is
now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck
against the ground again and again. As her head is battered
against the
ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn
ess or even death when
Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to
shut the horse off.
- A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to
the
drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety
confuse
her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
"What kind of pads
should I get?" she says. "This is all new to
me."
"Well,"
says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."
She says, "It's
ceramic tile."
- A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk
if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and
says
that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes
her hair
black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks
the same thing and again
the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a
shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she
returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment,
this clerk
also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde
asks the clerk,
"How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks
at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's
a
microwave."
- A blonde goes into work one morning crying her
eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being,
asks
sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde
replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
my mother
had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't
you go home for the
day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the
day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains,
"No, I'd be better off here. I need
to keep my mind off it and I
have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and
allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need
anything, just let me
know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check
on the blonde. He looks
out over his office and sees the blonde
crying hysterically. He rushes
out to her, and asks, "Are you going to
be okay? Is there anything I
can do to help?"
"No," re
plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she
said
that HER mom died too!"
- A blonde got lost in her car in a snow
storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get
stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty
soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed
the
plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of
the snow plow got out and asked her what she was
doing. She
explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in
the snow, to
follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm
done with
the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to
K-Mart..."
- A blonde once shot an arrow into the air... but
missed!
- A blonde opened a hair salon next to a
graveyard
and named it ''Curl Up and Dye.''
- A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is
cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his
apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure
enough, when she
opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a
redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a
moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun
up
to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do
it..."
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
- A blonde tried to blow up her husband's car,
but burned her lips
on the tailpipe.
- A blonde walks by a travel
agency and
notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!".
She goes inside,
lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the
$99 cruise
special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back
room, ties her to a large
inner tube, then drags her out the back
door and downhill to the river,
where he pushes her in and sends her
floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees
the sign, goes
inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for
the $99 special. She too
is tied to an inner tube and sent floating
down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually
catches up with the
first blonde. They float side by side for a
while before the first blonde
asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this
cruise?
The second blonde replies, " They didn't last
year."
- A blonde walks down the street
and sees a
banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
"Here we go
again."
- A blonde walks into a hair salon
to get her
hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off
her
headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off
and
the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the
headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe
out..."
- A blonde walks up
to a Coke machine and
puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks
amazed and runs away
to get some more coins. She returns and starts
feeding the machine
madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out
drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a
few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have
a
go.
The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see
I'm
winning!"
- A blonde was
bragging about her knowledge
of international capitals.
She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz
me. I know all of them!"
Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's
the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so
easy! F."
- A blonde was
walking down the road with a
healthy looking pig under her arm. As she
passed the bus stop,
someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied, "I won
her in a raffle!"
- A blonde was driving down
the road
listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard
blonde joke after
blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another
blonde out
in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and
angrily
jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like
you that give the rest of
us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come
out there and give you what's
coming to you!"
- A blonde was filling out an application form
for
a job. She promptly
filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE,
ADDRESS, etc. Then she came
to the column: SALARY
EXPECTED.
''Yes.''
- A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the
attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the
blonde,"I'm
sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you
please move to your
seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to
New York." The attendant said,"That's fine
miss, but you'll have to
go to your seat." The blonde responded
again, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to New
York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him
about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the
blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her
seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn
blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the
plane wasn't going to
New York."
- A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one
night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science
& Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone
calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and
then asked, "Is it on or off?"
- A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and
deeper until she drowned.
Her husband came home and found her dead
in the bathtub.
- A blonde was taking the tour of a national park
not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur
fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed,
"Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come
this close to the
highway!"
- A blonde went to
eletronic store and she
asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we
don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how
much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we
don''t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red
head and asked the salesman how
much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we
don''t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a
brunette and a red head. How do you
know I am a blonde?"
"Because
that is not a TV, it''s a microwave."
- A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside
and yells, "Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!"
Someone else yells, "Call 911!"
The blonde yells back, "What's
the number?"
- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all
stuck
on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the
nearest
inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The
redhead
makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The
brunette
makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any
farther and drowns. The
blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted
island, decides she's too
tired to go any farther, and swims all the
way back to the deserted
island.
- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on
an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the
beach and discover a
magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three
wishes, you may each
have one."
The brunette says, "I've
been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and
she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've
been stuck here for years as well. I
miss my family, my husband, and
my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her
wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying
uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the
matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
- A blonde, a brunette, and a
man are driving
in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front
with the
man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a
bridge
the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the
bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way
out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde
came
out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have
you been?'' asked the man.
''I can't believe you left me
down there! I couldn't get the
tailgate open!''
- A blonde, brunette
and a redhead had a
breaststroke swimming race across the English
Channel. The brunette
came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde
never
finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't
want to be a
tattletale or anything, but the other two used their
arms.''
- A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided
to hire
herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a
wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the
owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can
paint my porch. How
much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How
about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her
that the paint and
other materials that she might need were in the
garage. The man's
wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said
to her
husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way
around the
house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short
time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I
had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man
reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde a
dded, "it's not a Porch, it's a
Ferrari."
- A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a
park.
The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead
birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
- A brunette doing laundry asked her
blonde
friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde
replied,
''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''
- A brunette walks into a bar and says, "Gimme an
M L."
The bartender says, "What's an M L?"
The
brunette says, "A Miller Light."
Another brunette walks in and
says, "Gimme a B L"
The bartender says, "What's a B L?"
She says, "Bud Light."
A dumb blonde walks in and says, "Gimme a
15."
The bartender says, "What's a fifteen?"
The
blonde says, "7&7, duh!"
- A brunette,
a blonde, and a redhead were
standing in a line before a firing squad.
The commander says, "READY,
AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!"
All the people turned around
and looked and the brunette ran away.
Next, it's the redhead's
turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and
the redhead yells
"HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around
to look for the
hurricane and the redhead runs away.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The
commander says, "READY, AIM"
and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets
shot.
- A car was driving down the
street when all
of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back
and forth
till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police
officer
pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, "
Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I
saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer
looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
- A dumb
blonde was really tired of being
made fun of, so she decided to have her
hair she would look like a
brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in
the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a
farmer and a flock of
sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are
so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The
farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a
try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The
farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before
she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the
real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
- A friend meets up with her friend as she is
picking
her car up from the mechanic.
Her friend asks,
"Everything ok with your car now?"
The blonde replies, "Yes, thank
goodness. I was worried that my
mechanic might try to rip me off, so I
was relieved when he told me all I
needed was blinker fluid."
- A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams,
''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.
- A guy took his blonde
girlfriend to a
football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his
girlfriend how she liked the game.
"Oh, I really liked it," she said,
"but I just couldn't understand
why they were killing each other
for 25 cents."
"What on earth do you mean???"
"Well I saw
them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest
of the
game all they kept screaming was:
Get the quarter back! Get the
quarter back!
- A man was trimming his
bushes. His neighbor
(the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see
that it's
empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out,
checks her mail again only to
see that it's still empty, and goes
back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is
there a
problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a
problem! My computer keeps
on telling me 'I've got mail'!"
- A man works in the
operations department of
a large bank. Employees call him from the field when
they have
problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from
a branch
bank called him and said, "I've got smoke coming from the
back of
my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
- A person went into the
office kitchen one
morning and found a new blonde girl painting the
walls. She was
wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a
little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than
old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the
tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
- A policeman pulled a blonde over after
he/she'd been
driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you
know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be
bad 'cause all the people
were leaving.
- A redhead, a brunette and a blonde
all
escape from a prison together. They run into the nearby woods and all
climb up seperate trees. When the police find the redheads tree and ask
who is up there, the redhead chirps like a bird. Then the police go
to
the brunette's tree. When they ask who is up there, the
brunette makes
chipmunk noises. Finally, when the police go to the
blonde's tree and
ask who is up there, the blonde goes,"MOOOOOOOOOO!"
- A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde
catches up
to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is
Heather and
you are losing some of your load."
The trucker
just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down
the
street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says,
"Hi, my
name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He
ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red
light
the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and
says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your
load."
The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is
Kevin,
it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
- A young ventriloquist is touring the
clubs
and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in
Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual
dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her
chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid
blonde
jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the
color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as
a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from
being respected at work
and in the community and from reaching our full
potential as a person,
because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination
against, not only blondes, but women in
general...and all in the name of
humor!"The ventriloquist is embarrassed
and begins to apologize, when the
blonde yells, "You stay out of
this, mister! I'm talking to that
little idiot on your knee!"
- A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning
storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.
- At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use
the
infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk
explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that
she
would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby
together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and
subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work,"
countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm
the aunt."
- Be
careful never to let a blonde have a
coffee break... It takes too long
to retrain her afterwards!
- Did you hear
about the blonde who after
watching the ballerinas, wondered why they
didn't get taller
girls?
- Did you hear about
the blonde who was an
M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
- Did you hear about
the two females who were
watching a blonde walk by? The first one said,
"I wonder whether
she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said,
"She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde?
What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
- Did you hear about the
blonde who thought
nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
- Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer? She
fell in the sink!
- Did you hear about the blonde that
stayed
up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.
- Did you hear about the blonde who
brought
her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
- Did you hear about the blonde who got into the
taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
- Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44
bus? She took the 22 twice instead.
- Did you hear about the blonde who put
"Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign
Here".
- Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all
night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
- Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour
to cook Minute Rice?
- Did you hear about the blonde who was a really
good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one
piece!
- Did you hear about the blonde who went to a
nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
- Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks
on
her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said
"DON'T
WALK".
- Did you hear about the two
Blondes that
were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie
theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
- Did you hear the one about the blonde that had
a problem with
her bed?
She couldn't find a knife large enough
to apply the bed spread.
- Did you hear why they closed the Seattle
Kingdom?
While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.
- Hear about the blonde
explorer?
She
bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara
Desert.
- Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night...
- How did the blonde
burn her
nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
- How do you kill a blonde?
Give them a
gun an say it is a blow dryer
- How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday?
Tell
her a joke on a Monday!
- How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright?
Shine a torch in her ear!
- How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
- I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw
was the back of her head!
- I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts....
she gave me change!
- I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I
went out with.
I dyed my hair !
- In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical
wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the
truth -- if you
lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and
a redhead enter
the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.
The brunette goes
first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on
earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p>
"I think I'm
the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She
disappears. The blonde goes up.
"I think--"
"POOF!"
- One
day there was a blonde riding a horse.
The horse kept going faster and
faster until the blonde fell off,
with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for
help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over
and turned off the
merry-go-round.
- One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney
Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned
around and went home.
- One day 3 women went to the
top of a water
flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired,
brown haired,
and a blonde haired woman.
When they got to the top a genie
appeared from nowhere and said "when
your going down the flume shout out
the on thing that you want and you
will land in it at the bottom.
So the black haired woman went down and shouted "money" and
landed in
a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted
"gorgous
men!" and landed in a pile of men.
The blonde
woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting
weeeeeee.
- One day a blond went out to check her mail box.
There was
nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives
her a weird
look.
An hour later she goes back out to her
mailbox and goes back in cause
there was nothing in it and her
neighbor goes "What the hell is she
doing?"
An hour later she goes
back out side and looks in the mailbox and there
is nothing in it.
Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her
what she is
doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying
you've got
mail."
- One day a blonde went to a
sea food
restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She
took pity on
these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went
to the
woods to set the poor animals free.
- One day a blonde woman was down on her luck
and she needed a quick way to get money.
She saw some kids playing
and thought "Hey!
Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for
ransom!" So she creeps up and snatches one.
So she began to write a
note: "I have
kidnaped your son and I will give him back
if you
put 10,000$ on the north side of the
tree in the park.
Signed
Blonde."
She sticks the note on the kid and sends him
home. The next
day she goes to the north side
of the tree and in a paper bag was
10, 000$.
But there was a note inside saying: "How
could you do
this to a fellow blonde!?!"
- One day a blonde,
red-head, and a brunette
were driving through the desert when all of a sudden
their car
broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization.
The
red-head said, "I'm going to take water so if I get thirsty I can
drink
it." Then the brunette said, "I'm going to take some food so
if I
get hungry I can eat." And then the blonde said "I'm going to
take
the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!"
- One day while a blonde was out
driving her
car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her
pull over
into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of
chalk
and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the
middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and
slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man
angrier so
he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even
harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The
blonde is now
laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't
looking, I stepped
out of the circle three times!"
- One day, a blonde and her friend were walking
through the
park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a
dead birdie!"
The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
- One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her
house,
sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The
blonde said that
her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some
coffee and
calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the
neighbor went back
over to the house and found the blonde crying
again. She asked her why
she was crying this time.
''I just
got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died
too!''
- One morning this blonde calls her friend and
says, "Would you mind
coming over and helping me out with this killer
jigsaw puzzle I bought --
I can't figure out how to get
started."
Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?"
"From the
picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the
blonde.
The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the
front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the
table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
Then, he
turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I
do, I'm not
going to be able to show you how to assemble these to
look like the
picture of the tiger on the box."
"Why not?"
asks the disappointed blonde.
"Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw
puzzle... what you have here is a
box of Frosted Flakes."
- Postcard from a blonde: Having a wonderful
time. Where am I?
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