cow jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: cow jokes
- A man climbed over a fence into a
field to pick
some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer. Is that bull
safe?
Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!
- A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows
should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!"
the farmer
answered.
- Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.
Farmer: Not
bunch, herd.
Camper: Heard what?
Farmer: Of cows.
Camper: Sure
I've heard of cows.
Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.
Camper: So
what? I have no secrets from cows!
- Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?
Bull:
I'll let them go barefoot!
- Did you hear about the farmer who
lost control
of his tractor in the cow pasture?
No! Did he hurt the cows?
No, he just grazed them!
- Did you hear about the snobby cow?
She thought
she was a cutlet above the rest!
- Does running out of a
burning barn make a cow
unusual?
No, only medium rare!
- How did cows feel when the branding iron was
invented?
They were very impressed!
- How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a
toss-up!
- How did the calf's final exam turn out?
Grade
A!
- How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He
tractor down
- How do bulls drive their cars?
They steer
them!
- How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo
stick.
- How does a cow do math?
With a cowculator!
- How to you know that cows will be in
heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.
- I can't decide whether to buy a
bicycle or a
cow for my farm.
Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?
I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!
- I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!
- I've just discovered a method for making wool out
of
milk!
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little
sheepish?
- If you crossed a cow
with a goat, what would
you get?
Half and half!
- If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what
song
would you get?
"Beeflt!"
- If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks,
what would
you get?
Milk and quackers!
- If you had a gun and you were being chased by a
bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
The
mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!
- If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would
you have ?
Plenty of milk !
- If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you!
- In what state will you find the most cows?
Moo
York!
- Is there big money in the cattle business?
So
I've herd!
- Pa's being
chased by a bull!
Well, what
in tarnation do you want me to do about it?
Get me some film for my
camera!
- Q. What does a cow make when the sun
comes
out?
A. A shadow
- Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of
humor?
A: Laughing stock.
- Teacher: Name five things that contain milk.
Pupil: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!
- That bull you sold
me is a lazy
good-for-nothing!
I told you he was a bum steer!
- That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet!
- What animals do you bring
to bed?
Your
calves.
- What are cows favorite party games?
MOO-sical
chairs!
- What are the spots on black-and-white
cows?
Holstaines
- What band is a cow favorite?
Moody Blues
- What country do cows love to visit?
Moo
Zealand!
- What did one dairy cow say to another?
Got
milk?
- What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my
fodder in there?"
- What did the cow wear to the football game?
A
Jersey.
- What did the farmer call the cow that would not
give him any milk ?
An udder failure !
- What did the mooron say when he saw the milk
cartons in the
grass?
"Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
- What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo
Eyes!
- What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to
the mooooovies.
- What do cows do when they're introduced?
They
give each other a milk shake!
- What do cows get when they are sick?
Hay
Fever
- What do cows get when they do all their
chores?
Mooney.
- What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?
Ride on the roller cowster.
- What do cows like to listen to?
Moo-sic!
- What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The
moospaper!
- What do cows sing at their friends birthday
parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo
- What do cows usually
fly around in?
Helicowpters and Bulloons.
- What do cows wear when they're
vacationing in
Hawaii?
Moo moos
- What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing
machine?
Hamburger!
- What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by
boat?
Shipped beef!
- What do you call a cow on the barnyard
floor?
Ground Beef
- What do you call a cow that doesn't give
milk?
A milk dud!
- What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A
hole-y Cow!
- What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A
Moosician!
- What do you call a cow that's just had a baby?
De-calfinated!
- What do you call a cow who argues with her
husband?
A bullfighter!
- What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
- What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean Beef
- What do you call a group of cattle sent into
orbit?
The first herd shot round the world!
- What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists
office?
An encownter group.
- What do you call a sleeping
bull?
A
bull-dozer.
- What do you call a tired cow?
Milked out!
- What do you call explosive cow vomit?
A cud
missle!
- What do you call it when cows do battle in outer
space?
Steer Wars.
- What do you call it when one bull spies on another
bull?
A steak-out!
- What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream!
- What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of
Wit!
- What do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of
amnesia!
- What do you get from a short-legged cow?
Dragon milk!
- What do you get from an invisible cow?
Evaporated milk!
- What do you get from pampered cows?
Spoiled
milk!
- What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel,
a poodle, and a rooster?
A cockerpoodlemoo!
- What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension
headache?
A bad mood!
- What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus
?
A cow that can milk itself !
- What do you get if you cross a cow, a french fry,
and a
sofa?
A cowch potato!
- What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a
knight?
Sir Loin!
- What do you get if you cross a steer and a
chicken?
Roost beef!
- What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla!
- What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with
tanning
oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
- What do you get when you cross a cow with a
kangaroo?
A kangamoo!
- What does a cow like to do by a campfire?
Roast
Moosmallows!
- What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A
COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!
- What famous painting do cows love to look
at?
The Moona Lisa!
- What game do little cows like to play?
Moonopoly.
- What gives milk and has a horn?
A milk tank!
- What goes oo ooo oooo?
A cow with no lips.
- What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The
cowlick!
- What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's
herd.
- What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It
grows a Moostache.
- What happens when the cows refuse to be
milked?
Udder chaos!
- What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"?
A
cow walking backwards!
- What is a cow's
favourite TV show ?
Dr
Moo !
- What is a cow's favorite lunch
meat?
Bullogna
- What is a moo hoo for a cow fight?
A cattle
battle!
- What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the
thresher?
Ground round!
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