elephant jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: elephant jokes
- 'We're going to play elephants and
circuses,' said
a little boy at kindergarten, 'Do you want to join
in?'
'I'd love to,'replied the teacher. 'What do you want me to
do?'
'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts !'
- A boy with an elephant on his head went to
see a
doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need
help"
"Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot !"
- An elephant was walking in a park. With each
step he took, he
squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began
to crawl up on the
elephant -- first his legs and then up all over
his body. When the elephant
started feeling all the little ants on
him, he shook hard, making all the
little ants, except for one, fall
to the ground. As the only ant on the
elephant hung on close to the
elephant's neck, the ones on the ground
began to yell, "Strangle
him!!! Strangle him!!!"
- Bill:"My homework is really difficult
tonight, I've to
write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert:"Well, for a
start your going to need a big ladder.."
- Have you heard about the
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !
- How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !
- How
do you make an elephant sandwich?
First of all, you get a very large loaf...
- How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !
- How do you fit
five elephants into a car
?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove
compartment !
- How do you hire an elephant ?
Stand it on
four bricks !
- How do you know that peanuts are
fattening ?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant ?
- How do you raise a baby elephant ?
With a
fork lift truck !
- How do you stop an angry elephant from
charging ?
Take away it's credit cards !
- How does an elephant get down from a tree
?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !
- How does an elephant get out of a small car
?
The same way that he got in !
- How does an elephant go up a tree?
It
stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
- How to elephants talk to each other ?
By
'elephone !
- How to you tell the
difference between an
elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !
- Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very
powerful?
Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for
hours at a time
!
- It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the
jungle so
the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of
soccer. The
game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten
goals to nil,
when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star
player was dribbling
the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the
Elephants' left back
came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod
on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee
stopped the
game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you
call that
sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied,
"Well,
I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him
up."
- My elephants got no trunk ?
How does it
smell ?
Terrible !
- Q: What happened when the elephant sat on
the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
- Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's
toes?
A: Slow clowns.
- Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a
ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to
yield right of way.
- Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What
have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on
vines"
"Really ?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the
ground
!"
- Teacher: "Name six
wild
animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions !"
- Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant
?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose
!"
- Teacher:"To which family
does the
elephant belong ?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one !"
- Two elephants jumped off a
cliff.......
BOOM BOOM!
- What animals were last
to leave the ark
?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !
- What did Tarzan say when he saw the
elephants coming ?
Here come the elephants
- What did the baby elephant get when
the
daddy elephant sneezed ?
Out of the way !
- What did the elephant say to the famous
detective ?
It's ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !
- What did the elephant say when the man
grabbed
him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !
- What did the grape say when the
elephant
stood on it ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine !
- What did the hotel manager say to the
elephant
that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out
!"
- What do
elephants sing at christmas
?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...
- What do elephants do in
the evenings
?
Watch elevision !
- What do elephants say as a compliment
?
You look elephantastic !
- What do you call an
elephant that lies
across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !
- What do you call an elephant
that flies
?
A jumbo jet !
- What do you call an elephant creeping through
the jungle in
the middle of the night ?
Russell !
- What do you call an elephant that can't do
sums ?
Dumbo !
- What do you call an elephant with a
carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can't hear you !
- What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up
it's sweater
?
Warren !
- What do you call the rabbit up the
elephant's
sweater ?
Terrified !
- What do you do with old cannon balls
?
Give them to elephants to use as marbles !
- What do you find in an elephants graveyard
?
Elephantoms !
- What do you get if
you cross an elephant
with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.
- What do you get if you cross an elephant and a
kangaroo
?
Big holes all over Australia !
- What do you give an elephant with big feet
?
Plenty of room !
- What does a bald elephant
wear for a
toupee?
A sheep.
- What goes up slowly and comes down quickly
?
An elephant in a lift !
- What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives
money
to elephants ?
The tusk fairy !
- What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ?
An
elephant with spare parts !el
- What is a baby elephant after he is five
weeks
old ?
Six weeks old !
- What is an elephants favourite film
?
Elephantasia
- What is stronger an elephant or a snail
?
A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its
trunk !
- What is the easy way to get a wild elephant
?
Get a tame one and annoy it !
- What is worse than raining cats and dogs
?
Raining elephants !
- What kind of elephants live in Antartica
?
Cold ones !
- What pill would you give to an elephant that
can't sleep ?
Trunkquilizers !
- What to you get if you cross a parrot with an
elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers
!
- What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ?
An
elephant holding its breath !
- What's as big as an elephant but
weighs
nothing ?
An elephant's shadow !
- What's big and grey and lives in
a lake
in Scotland ?
The Loch Ness Elephant !
- What's big and grey and protects
you
from the rain ?
An umbrellaphant !
- What's big and grey and wears a mask
?
The elephantom of the opera !
- What's big, grey and flies straight up
?
An elecopter !
- What's blue and has big ears ?
An
elephant at the North Pole !
- What's grey and goes round and round ?
An
elephant in a washing machine !
- What's grey and lights up ?
An electric
elephant !
- What's grey and moves at a hundred
miles
an hour ?
A jet propelled elephant !
- What's grey and never needs ironing ?
A
drip dry elephant !
- What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every
twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !
- What's grey but turns red ?
An
embarrassed elephant !
- What's grey, beautiful and wears glass
slippers ?
Cinderelephant !
- What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers
and cheers you up when your ill ?
A get wellephant !
- What's grey, stands in a river when it
rains and doesn't get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !
- What's the
difference between a sick
elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !
- What's the best way to see a charging herd
of elephants ?
On television !
- What's the difference
between an
elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?
- What's the difference between
an African
elephant and an Indian elephant ?
About 3,000 miles !
- What's the difference between an elephant
and
a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes
!
- What's the difference between an elephant
and
a piece of paper ?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an
elephant !
- What's the difference between an elephant
and a
gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !
- What's the difference between an injured
elephant
and bad weather ?
One roars with pain and the other pours
with rain !
- What's yellow on the outside and grey on the
inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !
- When should you feed milk to a baby elephant
?
When it's a baby elephant !
- Who do elephants get their christmas
presents from ?
Elephanta Claus !
- Who lost a herd of elephants ?
Big bo peep
!
- Why are elephants grey ?
So you can tell
them from flamingos !
- Why are elephants large, grey and
wrinkly?
Because if they were small round and white, they would be
aspirins.
- Why are elephants wiser than chickens
?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!
- Why did the
elephant eat the candle
?
For light refreshment !
- Why did the elephant
paint his toenails
red ?
So he could hide in the cherry tree !
- Why did the elephant cross the road
?
Because the chicken was having a day off !
- Why did the elephant eat the candle?
He
wanted a light snack!
- Why did the elephant jump in
the lake
when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !
- Why did the elephant paint
himself with
different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box
!
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