history jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: history jokes
- "What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln,
and Christopher Columbus all
have in common? They were all born on
holidays."
- "You know an ancestor of mine came over on the
Mayflower." "Really? Which rat was he?"
- Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he
had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got
up earlier and caught the school bus like
everyone else !
- Do you know the 20th President of the United
States ?
No, we were never introduced !
- How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships
?
With their eyes shut !
- How did you do in
your tests ?
I did
what George Washington did !
What was that ?
Went down in history
!
- I'm learning ancient history ?
So am I,
lets go for a walk and talk over old times !
- If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders,
who
supported Atlas ?
His wife !
- My teacher
reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself !
- Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies?
A:
In his sleevies!
- Teacher: "What did the Indians
bring to the
first Thanksgiving?"
Student: "Baseballs."
Teacher:
"Baseballs?"
Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"
- The Spanish explorers went round the world in
a galleon.
How many galleons did the get to the mile !
- What did Caesar say to
Cleopatra
?
Toga-ether we can rule the world !
- What did General
Patton do on Thanksgiving?
He gave tanks.
- What did King Arthur sleep with when he was
afraid of the dark?
A knight light
- What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years
old ?
A year older on his birthday !
- What did Paul Revere say
when he got on
his horse?
Giddy up horsey !
- What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies
quiet?
Egyptian dummies.
- What did they do at the Boston Tea Party
?
I don't know, I wasn't invited !
- What do Alexander the
Great and Winnie the
Pooh have in common ?
They both have 'the' as their middle names
!
- What do history teachers make when they want
to get together ?
Dates !
- What does the 1286BC incribed on
the
mummy's tomb indicate ?
The registration of the car that ran him over
!
- What English King invented
the fireplace
?
Alfred the grate !
- What famous chiropodist ruled England
?
William the Corn-cutter!
- What was Camelot ?
A place where people
parked their camels !
- What was Camelot famous for ?
It's knight
life !
- What was King Arthur's favourite game
?
Knights and crosses !
- What was the first think Queen
Elizabeth
did on ascending to the throne ?
Sat down !
- What was the greatest
accomplishment of
the early Romans ?
Speaking Latin !
- When crossing the Delaware River why did
George Washington
stand up in the boat ?
He was afraid that if he sat
down that someone would give him an oar to
row !
- When did Caesar reign ?
I didn't know he
reigned.
Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?
- When were King Arthur's army too tired to
fight
?
When they had lots of sleepless knights !
- Where did the pilgrims land when they came to
America ?
On their feet !
- Where was the Magna Carta signed ?
At the
bottom !
- Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia
?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family ?
Didn't you say
there was a quack in it !
- Who invented King Arthur's round table
?
Sir Circumference !
- Who succeeded the first President of the USA
?
The second one !
- Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince
?
Old King Coal !
- Why did Arthur have a round
table ?
So
no one could corner him !
- Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?
He
liked to chop and change !
- Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?
He
wanted Mark Antony !
- Why did the Pilgrims create
Thanksgiving?
They wanted another excuse to watch football.
- Why did the pioneers cross
the country in
covered wagons ?
Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a
train !
- Why did the Romans build
straight roads
?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !
- Why does history keep repeating itself
?
Because we weren't listening the first time !
- Why were the early days of history called the
dark ages ?
Because there were so many knights !
- Woman: Why are you begging for a
quarter?
Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a
dollar.
- You've
failed history again !
Well you
always told me to let bygones be bygones !
PAGE: [1]