insect jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: insect jokes
- A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a
saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up
from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my
dog?"
- A mother moth was telling her baby moth off
saying, "If you don't eat all your cotton, you won't get any
satin."
- Boy: What's the biggest ant in the
world?
Girl: My Aunt
Boy: No, it's an elephant.
Girl: You
obviously haven't met my Aunt
- Can bees fly in
the rain ?
Not without
their little yellow jackets !
- First Caribou:
What well-known cartoon
character do moths like a hole lot?
Second Caribou: Micky Moth!
- First Caribou: What do
you call a bee that
can't make up his mind?
Second Caribou: A maybee.
- First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor
cycle
stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
- First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up
trash?
Second Caribou: The litterbug.
- How can you make a moth ball ?
Hit it with
a fly swatter.
- How can you tell if you are looking at
a
police glow worm ?
it has a blue light !
- How can you tell which end of a worm is which
?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !
- How do
you spot a modern spider ?
He
doesn't have a web he had a website !
- How do fireflies lose weight?
They burn
calories.
- How do fireflies start
a race?
Ready,
steady, glow!
- How do fireflies start a race ?
Ready steady
glow !
- How do stones
stop moths eating your
clothes ?
Because rolling stones gather no moths !
- How do we know that insects are so clever
?
Because they always know when your eating outside !
- How do you find where a flea has bitten you
?
Start from scratch !
- How do you know if you have a tough mosquito
?
You slap him and he slaps you back !
- How do you make a
glow worm happy ?
Cut
off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !
- How do you make a butterfly ?
Flick it out
of the butter dish with a knife !
- How do you make a moth bawl?
Hit him with a
fly swatter.
- How do you start an insect race ?
One, two,
flea - go
- How does a queen bee get around her hive
?
She's throne !
- How many bees do you need in a bee choir ?
A
humdred !
- How to fleas
travel ?
Itch hiking !
- How to fleas travel ?
Itch hiking !
- If a flea and a
fly pass each other what
time is it?
Fly past flea.
- If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you
know which one is the American Football player ?
The one in the
sugar bowl !
- One ant was running across an unopened box of
crackers and urging another to speed up. "But why do we have to
hurry?"
said one. "Can you read, you nut! It says, Tear along the
dotted
line'".
- One woodworm met another. "How's life?" she
asked.
"Oh, same as usual," he replied, "boring."
- Q: What did one flea say to the other flea
when they came out of the movies? - A: Should we walk home or take a
dog?
- Q: What did the Pink Panther say when he
stepped on an ant?
A: "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant ..
Dead Ant"
(to the tune of Pink Panther theme).
- Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to
work?
A: A buzzness suit!
- QUESTION: What do you get from a bee
that
has an udder?
ANSWER: Milk and honey.
- Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder
what stops it from falling down.
Owner: I think the woodworm are
holding hands.
- Two fleas where running across the top of a
cereal
packet ?
"Why are we running so fast ?" said one
Because
it says "Tear along the dotted line"
- Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw
a
drunken man.
One said to the other, "You bite him ? I'm
driving."
- What
did the bee say to the naughty bee
?
Bee-hive yourself !
- What are ants called when they run away very
fast to get
married?
Ant-elopers.
- What are spiders webs good
for ?
Spiders
!
- What are the cleverest bees ?
Spelling bees
!
- What bee is good for your health ?
Vitamin
bee !
- What buzzes, is black and
yellow and goes
along the bottom of the sea ?
A bee in a submarine !
- What did
the woodworm say to the chair
?
It's been nice gnawing you !
- What did one centipede say to the other
centipede ?
You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of
legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely
pair of legs
....!
- What did one firefly say to the other ?
Got
to glow now !
- What did one flea say
to the other after a
night out ?
Shall we walk home or take a dog ?
- What did one mosquito say to
another when
they came out of the cinema?
Fancy a bite?
- What did the bee say to the flower ?
Hello
honey !
- What did the bee to the other bee in summer
?
Swarm here isn't it !
- What did the confused bee say ?
To bee or
not to bee !
- What did the earwig say as it fell down the
stairs ?
Ear we go !
- What did the maggot say to another ?
What's
a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !
- What did the maggot say to his friend when he
got stuck
in an apple ?
Worm your way out of that one !
- What did the spider say to the bee ?
Your
honey or your life !
- What did the spider say to the fly ?
We're
getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?
- What did the spider say when he broke his new
web ?
Darn it !
- What did the wife spider say to her
husband
when he tried to explain why he was late ?
Your spinning me a yarn
here !
- What did the worm say to the other when he was
late home ?
Where in earth have you been !
- What do bees chew ?
Bumble gum !
- What do bees do if they want to use public
transport ?
Wait at a buzz stop !
- What do insects learn at school ?
Mothmatics
!
- What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ?
A
spinning wheel !
- What do you call a bee who's had a spell put
on him ?
He's bee-witched !
- What do you call a big irish spider ?
Paddy
long legs !
- What do you call a grasshopper
with no legs
?
A grasshover !
- What do you call a scruffy,
lazy ant?
Decadant.
- What do you call a stupid ant?
Antwerp.
- What do you call A Tale of Two Mosquitoes?
A bite-time story.
- What do you call an ant with
frog's legs?
An antphibian.
- What do you get if you
cross a glow worm
with some beer ?
Light ale !
- What do you get if you cross a
tarantula
with a rose ?
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it !
- What do you get if you cross a bee with a door
bell?
A hum dinger !
- What do you get if you cross a centipede and a
chicken ?
Enough drumsticks to feed an army !
- What do you get if you cross a firefly
and
a moth ?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !
- What do you get if you cross a moth with a
firefly?
An insect that can find its way around a dark closet.
- What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a
flea ?
Bugs Bunny !
- What do you get if you cross a spider and an
elephant ?
I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the
ceiling then run
before it collapses !
- What do you get if you cross a worm
and an
elephant ?
Very big worm holes in your garden !
- What do you get if you cross a worm and a young
goat ?
A dirty kid !
- What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger
with
an insect ?
The Masked-quito !
- What do you get when you cross a bell with a
bee?
A humdinger.
- What does a bee get at McDonalds ?
A
humburger !
- What does a bee say before it
stings you
?
This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !
- What does a cat go to sleep on ?
A
caterpillow !
- What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day
?
Turns over a new leaf !
- What does a queen bee do when she burps
?
Issues a royal pardon !
- What does a spider do when he
gets angry
?
He goes up the wall !
- What does the bee Santa Claus say ?
Ho hum
hum !
- What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ?
A
firefly with a short circuit !
- What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk ?
A
centipede with a wooden leg !
- What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
A bee with a
cold !
- What goes zzub, zzub ?
A bee flying
backwards !
- What happened to the man who turned into an
insect ?
He just beetled off !
- What happened when the chef found a daddy long
legs in the
salad ?
It became a daddy short legs !
- What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Half a
centipede !
- What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ?
A
morese-quito !
- What has antlers and sucks blood ?
A
moose-quito !
- What has four wheels and flies ?
A rubbish
bin !
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