Jokes: pig jokes
- A
pig's favorite movie:
The Monster That
Ate New York.
- A city child came running into the farmhouse. "No
wonder
that mama pig is so big," she yelled.
"There's a bunch
of little pigs out there blowing her up!"
- All our pigs are learning karate.
Oh, I don't
believe that
No? Well, just watch out for their chops.
- Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it "Ham Hocks".
- Did you hear about the pig who tried to
start
a hot-air balloon business?
He couldn't get it off the ground.
.
- Did you hear about the pig's vacation?
They
had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up
as bears and raided all the garbage cans.
- Did you hear about the piglets
who wanted to
do something special for mother's day?
What did they do?
They
threw a sowprize party.
- Did you hear about the pigs
who took up
motorcycling?
They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.
- Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage
In November?
She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.
- Did you hear the story
about the razorback
hog?
It's pretty dull.
- Do pigs like Backgammon?
No, they prefer their
backs scratched.
- Doctor, doctor, I've got a
little
sty.
Then you'd better buy a little pig.
- FARMER: Who raided my vegetable
patch?
PIGLET: Beets me!
- FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves
you?
SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and
kisses.
- Have you heard about the pig who took up disco
dancing?
He liked to swing his weight around.
- How can you recognize a Gnome
Pig?
They're the ones with the little red hats.
- How can you tell the pig
is a failure as
Easter bunny?
By the egg on its face.
- How did the little pig win at Monopoly?
He
built hotels on Pork Place.
- How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Build a
sty-scraper!
- How do you get your pigs to sleep at night?
No
problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chickens.
You must have
a very large chicken house.
- How do you take a pig to
hospital?
By
hambulance!
- How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep?
She reads them pig tales.
- How does a pig write home?
With a pig pen.
- I told you not to let those pigs In my office.
Now, look what's happened.
They've eaten all the dates off my
calendar!
- If an elephant is the
symbol of the Republican
Party and a donkey is the symbol of the
Democratic Party, what is a
pig the symbol of?
Any party where there's lots of food.
- If you drop this book in a pig
pen, what
should you do?
Take the words out of their mouths.
- Is it true the pigs went over
Niagara Falls in
a barrel?
No, that story's just a lot of hogwash.
- Is lunch the favorite
subject of piglets?
No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.
- Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen
appliance
that lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a garbage
compactor.
- Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that
lets her prepare meals ahead.
It's called a garbage
compactor.
- MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in
school
today?
FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink!
THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof!
MOTHER PIG: What?
THIRD PIGLET: I'm taking
a foreign language.
- Name the pig's
favorite Shakespeare play.
Hamlet.
- Pig's explanation for the creation of the
Universe:
The Pig Bang Theory.
- Pigs don't look very smart to me.
Sure, they
are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse out of a
farmer's
ear?
- SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three
candles for your party?
PIGLET: I'd rather have three cakes and one
candle.
- Sports fad
invented by pigs:
Mud
wrestling.
- The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host
What happened?
He turned out to be a big boar.
- The kids are crazy about a new piglet
toy.
When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.
- The teacher was furious with her son. "Just
because
you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can
take
liberties. You're a pig." The boy said nothing. "Well! Do you
know
what a pig is?" "Yes, Mom," said the boy. "The offspring of a
swine."
- Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so
quickly?
They squealed on each other.
- What are the pigs warned to look out for in New
York?
Pigpockets.
- What did the
pig do when a beetle landed in
his feed trough? He ate it quickly, before
the others could ask him
to share.
- What did the fat pig say when the farmer
dumped corn mash into the trough?
"I'm afraid that's all going to
waist."
- What did the mama pig say
to her bad little
piglet?
"Behave or Frankenswine will get you."
- What did the mama pig say
when junior pig
bought a basket of wormy apples?
"Don't tell the farmer. He might
charge us extra."
- What did the pig call a manuscript?
A shoat
story.
- What did the pig say
when he found a line of
ants in his trough?
"Mmm. Canapes."
- What did the pig say when his brother rolled on
him?
"Heavy!"
- What did the pig say when it found a fly in its
soup?
"Yum Yum."
- What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her
tail?
"That's the end of me!"
- What do hip pigs call their ladies?
Fine
swine.
- What do little piglets do on a Saturday night?
Have a pigjama party!
- What do little pigs want to be when they grow up?
Garbage collectors.
- What do piggys take when they are sick?
Pigicillin!
- What do pigs do on nice afternoons?
They go on
pignics.
- What do pigs drive?
Pig-up trucks!
- What do pigs like with chow mein?
Sooey
sauce.
- What do you call a crafty pig?
CunningHam
- What do you call a lady pig planting seeds?
A
sow sow.
- What do you call a pig in a steel foundry?
A
pig pig.
- What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!
- What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar!
- What do you call a pig who overacts?
A ham
ham.
- What do you call a pig with good table manners?
Sick.
- What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!
- What do you call a pig with no legs?
A
groundhog!
- What do you call a pig with the flu?
A swine
swine.
- What do you call a pig with three eyes?
...A
piiig
- What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs?
A hog hog.
- What do you call pigs in a demolition derby?
Crashing boars.
- What do you call the story of The Three Little
Pigs?
A pig tail!
- What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?
Rub
him with oinkment.
- What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of
grapes
?
A swine gut !
- What do you get when you cross a pig with a
canary?
I don't know, but when it sits on your electric wire and
sings, all
your lights go out
- What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy
goat?
A crashing bore.
- What do you get when you cross a pig with an
elephant?
A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.
- What do you give a
sick pig?
Oinkment!
- What do you say to a naked pig?
"I never
sausage a body."
- What does a pig use to write his term
papers
with?
Pen and Oink!
- What famous pig actor made a movie about
Frankenswine?
Boaris Karloff.
- What goes "knio, knio?"
A backward pig.
- What instrument do piggys play in a band?
Pigcussion!
- What is a pigs favourite ballet?
Swine Lake!
- What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"?
Pork Chop!
- What is the pig's favorite musical instrument?
The piggalo (piccalo).
- What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the
Yukon?
Sow-r dough bread.
- What kind of furniture do pigs like best?
Overstuffed.
- What kind of pig do sows dislike?
Male
Chauvinist Pigs.
- What kind of tie does a pig wear ?
Pig's tie
!
- What position does the pig play in football?
Loinback.
- What should you say to a pig on roller skates?
Don't say anything. Just get out of the way.
- What soft drink do pigs
like best?
Root
beer.
- What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve?
Auld Lang Swine.
- What was the name of the hog who was knighted by
King Arthur?
Sir Lunchalot.
- What world athletic sporting event is held every
four
years?
The Olympigs!
- What would a pig name a chain of food
stores?
"Stop "N Slop Markets"
- What would happen if pigs could fly?
Bacon
would go up!
- What would happen if pigs went on strike?
They'd form pigget lines.
- What's that pig doing in the middle of the road
with a red light on its head?
Didn't you tell me to put out a
stop swine?
- When is a pig an
ecologist?
When he
recycles garbage into ham.
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