witch jokes - Jokes at Nerida
Jokes: witch jokes
- 1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend
like
?
2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but
he
has some bad points too !
- Did you hear
about the witch who went in for
the lovely legs competition?
She was beaten by the microphone
stand.
- Did you hear about the TV show
with FBI
agents and witches?
It's called The Hex-Files.
- Did you hear about the witch who
turned her
friend into an egg?
She kept trying to poach her ideas.
- Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet
vulture on sawdust?
The vulture laid ten eggs and when they
hatched, nine chicks had wooden
legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.
- Did you hear about the witch who was ashamed of
her long black
hair?
She always wore long gloves to cover it
up.
- First witch: My, hasn't your little
girl
grown ?
Second witch: Yes, she's certainly gruesome.
- Have you heard about the goodweather
witch?
She's forecasting sunny spells.
- How can you make a witch itch?
Take away her
"W."
- How can you tell an Italian witch
from an
English one ?
By her suntan !
- How do warty witches keep
their hair out of
place?
With scare spray.
- How do witches lose
weight?
They join
weight witches.
- How do you get milk from a witch's cat?
Steal her saucer.
- How do you know when you are in bed
with a
witch ?
She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas !
- How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance
?
'Voodoo like to dance with me ?'
- How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?
She
holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with
fright !
'Owl be seeing you later.'
- Is it good to drink witch's brew?
Yes, it's
very newt tricious!
- Old witch: Now I know you want a job with me.
Do you tell lies?
Young witch: No, but I can pick it up.
- Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a
broom? A: By witchful thinking.
- Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A:
Sandwitch
- What did the doctor say to the witch in
hospital?
With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.
- What did the witch say to
the ugly toad?
I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!
- What did the young witch say to her
mother?
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?
- What did the young witch say to her mother
?
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !
- What do
you call a witch who climbs up
walls?
Ivy.
- What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room
service.
- What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
To
keep their hats pointed.
- What do you call a witch that stays out all
night?
A fresh air freak.
- What do you call a witch who
kills her
mother and father?
An orphan.
- What do you call a witch with one leg?
Eileen.
- What do you call two witches who share a
room?
Broom-mates.
- What does a witch do if her broom is stolen
?
She calls the flying squad !
- What does a witch enjoy cooking
most?
Gnomelettes.
- What does an Australian witch
ride on?
A
broomerang!
- What goes cackle, cackle, boom?
A witch in a
minefield.
- What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A witch in soggy trainers.
- What happened to the naughty little witch at
school?
She was ex-spelled.
- What happened to the witch with an upside down
nose?
Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.
- What happens if you see twin witches?
You
won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.
- What has handles and flies?
A witch in a
garbage can.
- What is a witch's favourite TV
show?
Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!
- What is old and ugly and can see just as well
from both ends ?
A witch with a blindfold !
- What is the best way of stopping infection
from witch bites ?
Don't bite any witches !
- What is the witches motto ?
We came, we saw,
we conjured !
- What would you get if you crossed a witch with a
famous
movie director?
Steven Spellberg!
- What's the favorite subject of young witches at
school?
Spelling.
- What's the witches favourite pop group
?
Broomski Beat !
- Where did the witch get her
furniture
?
From the ideal gnome exhibition !
- Who went into a witche's den and came out
alive ?
The witch !
- Why did the witch keep turning people into
Mickey
Mouse?
She was having Disney spells.
- Why did the witch lose her
way?
Because
her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.
- Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?
So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.
- Why do witches have stiff joints ?
They get
broomatism !
- Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat?
To keep her head warm.
- Why was the student witch so bad at
essays?
Because she couldn't spell properly.
- Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because
there's no point in it.
- Witch l: "How do you manage to stay in shape?"
Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
- Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards
with my sister ?
Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats
all the time, is a
poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards
?
Witch: No I wouldn't.
Wizard: No, well nor will she.
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